30 January 2007

Don't Mean To Be Rude, but...

A lot of you know about my slight interest in losing a pant size or 2. 'Slight interest' is the term I use because I'm not a) actively seeking, b) working out or c) on some kind of restrictive diet. My philosophy on this journey of mine is that I am paying better attention to what I eat and when. For the most part I'm having a Kirkland weight loss pre-made-in-a-can chocolate drink (like Slim-Fast) for breakfast (instead of my 3 servings-size cereal in milk; granted it's Kashi Go Lean but still) and usually for lunch too. If I'm running out the door and it's mealtime, I'll grab a can to take the edge off so I'm not chowing down through the drive-thru. I have a problem with forgetting to eat. I know a lot of you will roll your eyes over that comment but I just get past the point and get the shakes. Not the hippy-hippy-shakes kind either. I'm trying to eat more fruits & veggies but during the off-season they're not as appealing as summertime. Less and less will I chose fried foods, but I still eat them when they're available (like the fried cauliflower at Lon's Cookin' Shack in Provo or the fried appetizer cone at The Pine restaurant up near SLC). I don't believe in denying myself the simple pleasure of food. I DO believe that moderation is the key; you won't see me at Lon's every week. Wendy's is our fast-food of choice where I'll get the grilled chicken burger with fries and a Sprite or rootbeer. I figure the chicken is better for me than the beef and bacon (which I'll get from time to time), the fries I just can't resist (but I don't supersize) and the non-caffeinated beverages work better with my body. You will NOT find me at McDonald's unless it's to get breakfast (that McGriddle is disgustingly yummy). I've gone back and forth between caffeine and not for years - even before I joined my church. Back in the day of hotelier work when I had free access to the soda machine I was ADDICTED to my giant thermal mug of Pepsi. Then I heard some report about how it's addictive (this was back in, oh, 1992ish) so I changed my habit to milk (had free access to the milk too). Well, that little change ended up being HUGE and I was having KILLER headaches (close to migraine as you could get), the shakes and felt sluggish ALL THE TIME. It was obvious that caffeinated drinks had a powerful hold on how my body operated. It took me a good month to get over that episode (was pretty darned cranky) and since then I've gotten back on and off the wagon but never really re-instated the severity. Just recently I had been having about 1 caffeinated pop per day and noticed I wasn't sleeping through the night and if I woke up to noise or needing to potty (the word we use with the kids but I usually say 'I gotta pee') I'd be up for a good couple hours before hitting the pillow hard - then the next day was zombie like. So I stopped pop again recently (switched to Sprite and rootbeer) and have been sleeping harder, through the night, can get back to sleep if I wake up and feel rested in the morning. Alright, off the caffeine soapbox. Onto the main reason I started this story. So here I am slowly reducing my pant size (depending on stretch I have dropped 2 sizes) just by adopting the idea of watching what I eat, reducing my calorie intake (I don't count, I just average but my downfall is portions - I love to keep eating) and paying attention to WHEN I eat (I try not to eat after 7pm). If I worked out I bet it'd be even better but that's a whole 'nother story. Anyway... yesterday I had a photo shoot at 4pm then meeting for carpool to our photographer get-together at 5:45pm. I ran out of the house with everything I needed (including the dry cleaning - the coat from catching the horse and the duvet cover from the dog getting sick, that was grosser than gross) EXCEPT a belt to hold my pants up. One of my pet peeves (I have several, so here's just one) is having to see people's butt-cracks or underwear because they can't keep their pants up without having to hoist them every few minutes. Get a friggin' belt, I say! Well, I forgot mine and was in a pickle. Didn't have time (or gas waste) to run back home and get one of the 7 or so belts I own so I called my dear, sweet friend that lived in the vicinity and about the same size as me. The belt was waiting there when I arrived and I started putting it on. It's a GOOD belt; brown leather with a strong normal-looking buckle (no frou-frou). Well, I get to the smallest hole and realize that in order for it to work properly (keep my butt-crack hidden) it needed to be a smidgen smaller. Ooh, how am I gonna ask for a smaller belt? "Um, (insert name here), I don't mean to be rude or anything but do you happen to have a smaller belt?" Yeah, no matter how you say it, it still stings. I tried to emphasize that I only needed one more hole smaller, so it wasn't a lot but then she pointed out that she's 2 or 3 holes from the smallest. I also reminded her that she just had a baby and has been doing great with her Weight Watchers program (she's really good about following it, it's hard for me to commit to). Her hubby ended up poking a hole in the belt and saving the world from my crack. She hardly ever reads my blog (because she's hardly ever on the computer) but if she does, or you figure out who I'm talking about, then just know this... I LOVE her and she's WONDERFUL and MARVELOUS and I like her just the way she is. Oh, and I don't mean to toot my own horn at her expense; that's why I'm not mentioning names or posting a picture of her backside (that was her request). Q: What do you do when you want to share an accomplishment that might hurt the feelings of others? For example... announcing a pregnancy when you have family that struggles to conceive, tell everyone about a promotion when friends can't find a job, share the happy news of your children's success when another parent is having trouble with theirs, etc.?

17 comments:

cazmom said...

1) tell them in a very subtle "not a big deal" sort of way and wait to see how they respond. If positively, then say a little more. DO NOT GUSH.
2) wait until you are in a group of people and hope someone else brings it up (so you don't have to), then the unfortunate person will now know and it won't be coming from you in a braggish sort of way.

Lyle said...

Oly mokes! What a Pandora's box you have placed before us with this blog.

I wish I had a one answer fits all for this one. But I do feel that love is always a helpful ingredient to this equation. The more we love someone, the easier it is to be happy for for someone else during those "elevated" moments of life.

Tone of voice and body language could be thrown into the pot. How the message of the "good news" comes across affects the interpretation of the message.

When all else fails, present the other person with a homebaked goodie first and then let the gospel chips fall where they may. ;-)

So having dodged and beaten around the bush, for a while I will shut up and let the rest speak their mind and share their wisdom.

Toni said...

Maybe I am just brash, but tell them! If they truly love you, they will be happy for you! If it's a VERY sensitive issue, I would pull the person aside (alone) and let them know, not in a group setting where they would be caught off guard!

b. said...

To quote Nike and President Kimball(I think..) JUST DO IT!

Bek said...

Great question...

First, I am proud of you. I have been trying to do the non diet diet and it isn't as effective for me. Back to WW. I guess I need the structure!!

As for the question, I have been on the struggle end of a few things like fertility. Me being sad for myself never stopped me from being happy for someone else. It was the first time I realized that those things could co exist. The same news that broke my heart for MYSELF left me thrilled for some one I loved. If I DIDN"T love them, than I just complained and had a good cry--but even that serves a purpose, right?

It comes with the territory in life. I have always felt that honesty and tact are the best way to go....

AzĂșcar said...

I have always thought that you should say something honestly. If they find out from other people, they know that you're uncomfortable talking to them and that just makes it worse.

I agree that depending on the situation you could have a private moment vs. a public one.

One of my favorite memories of last year was of a lunch that I had with a friend. She is struggling with infetility. The purpose of the lunch was to tell her about my pregnancy. It was such a beautiful day and an even more beautiful time. I wanted her to be one of the very first people to know because she is that important.

cazmom said...

My answers now sound so immature next to your awesome wise friends.

Shannon's Lisa said...

Cazmom, I think you were on the right track with the baby steps approach. If you catch the timing wrong it could bring up a lot of emotions for the other person, regardless of how happy they would be for you.

Generally I think you should be honest WITH tact and sensitivity. I had a friend who got engaged just after I broke up with my boyfriend, and another friend admitted she hadn't called me because she didn't want to rub it in. When I finally saw the engaged friend I gave her a loving slap and told her that I know she would never rub anything in my face, and next time she better call me!

luckyzmom said...

So,then,I started eating the queer way six days ago after the Dr. called to tell me about my lab (blood sucker)results.And I have walked on the treadmill every day but yesterday when I walked at Ross for two hours.And I e-mail or IM your brother about it every day.And I have been meaning to mention it.

luckyzmom said...

Because I think loving truth is the best policy.And timing is important.ie

"I'm really bummed.I started my period."

"Oh,sorry,but I have the best news.I'm pregnant."

Insensitive and unloving.

Nes pas?

Melody said...

I'm with mom: truth and diplomacy rule the day. ..

I recently heard that if we leave five bites of food (that we would normally have eaten) at every meal we would lose 1 pound per week. I believe it.

Good for you for losing (and loosing) a few.

Jumanjijuice said...

WOW! Two pants sizes and a smaller belt! You rock , Sister Hen! Love the website; so relaxed and stylish, like you! Loved PUG the other night. What a great group of friends I have. I feel lucky! Love ya Luck HEn! JEn

Jumanjijuice said...

Fixing typos, sorry for the double post. I even previewed and still missed them.
I just get too excitable. JG
WOW! Two pants sizes and a smaller belt!
You rock, Sister Hen!
Love the website; so relaxed and stylish, like you! Loved PUG the other night.
What a great group of friends I have. I feel lucky!
Love ya Lucky HEn! JEn

Lauriann said...

Well, since I am one "that struggles to conceive" and have been in those situations, it hurts more to be treated differently just because someone is afraid to hurt my feelings. Tell me like you would any other friend. Don't take away the chance for me to be happy for you.

nitzwood said...

i think you are great at being honest,(isn't it the best policy?)even when it hurts. we should all learn from you. who knows maybe i'll be more strict with my ww... now that my belt has an extra hole in it! bytheway i am very happy for you! and i can't wait to borrow your belt someday;)

burkman3 said...

The idea of my sisters crack exposed to the world was disturbing to me. Mom and I are in contact to help encourage and motivate each other with our fat lose issues. The other day I realized I am more and more like mom everyday. I was giving her advice on the stuff she should do since I had read about it somewhere. Erie huh.

Your Lisa said...

I think you ruined Diet Coke for me.

I got on a Diet Black Cherry Vanilla Coke kick this week and had 1 almost every day. Last night I went to bed super early and I was walking up all through the night. Now I fear I have become sensitive to caffeine. I have never been sensitive to caffeine! I blame you, really.