12 October 2006

Will The Witness Please Approach The Stand?

When the 1st freaky thing happened this week (technically it was Saturday, but if we're counting a week as 7 days I'm within the time frame, as opposed to Sunday - Saturday) I wasn't shocked. I suppose I should've been, like everyone else in proximity, but I wasn't. As soon as Jack's soccer game started the action began; off the field, not on (well, on the field of course because there are a bunch of 6 year olds running around after a ball). I glance over and see a mom ask her little 4yr old girl if the baby ate anything while finger-swiping the baby's mouth and pounding on his back. Other parents around surrounded her suggesting different techniques to get the lodged item out while I stood there, in my same spot, watching. I noticed the baby's body go limp before anyone else did (the mom was still trying to get whatever it was out of the mouth) and proceeded to call 911 (the baby quickly turned purple/blue). There had to have been about 6 other parents hovering over but nobody heard me say I'm calling 911. As the operator asked me where we were the mom squealed to call 911 and I finally got through to them that I was already on the phone and the paramedics were on their way. I was the only one staying calm. Maybe it was because I don't know the mom or the baby. Perhaps it's because I don't usually freak out in emergencies (I could tell you stories about the school losing my kindergartener SEVERAL times last year). Whatever the reason I'm glad that's the way I am because you need someone to keep their cool sometimes. It was almost like I was standing outside of myself - kinda; it was a very scary situation. Afterwards another mom complimented me on my ability to stay calm and quickly call 911. Somebody had to. I hope that if ever (knock on wood) I have a moment of panic involving my children that someone near will be calm for me. (The baby finally came too and the mom drove him to the hospital before the paramedics arrived.) So that was 1. Then yesterday Piper and I were running errands (she's done with the UTI that involved E Coli - that is another story too; but now has a nasty let's-wake-up-every-hour head/chest cold) and stopped at Kohl's to do a return. Oh, and compulsive shop...picked up a pink Happy Bunny shirt for Piper that reads, "I already know I'm perfect so stop staring." As we left the store and got to the car I noticed 2 women running with a baby stroller to their car. Hmm. Whatever. Put Piper in her seat and looked back at their car. They were grabbing PILES of baby clothes on hangers out of the bottom basket of the stroller and tossing them onto the floor of the back seat - no Kohl's bags in sight. They were RUSHING to get the baby (there was a real baby in the stroller at least) and the merchandise into the car while looking over their shoulder at the store doors. Shoplifters, definitely. Got into my car and pulled up to the store doors to go tell the cashier (prices go up to compensate for shoplifters --- I LIKE the cheap deals). As I drove out after them (they were TEARING out of the parking lot), trying not to look suspicious, I got their license plate number and called the number on my Kohl's receipt to report it. After a zillion "Push X for jewelry. Push Y for childrens..." I finally got a live person and gave them the info. So, what should my new name be in the Witness Protection Program? I hope they relocate us to some place exotic and tranquil. What would you want yours to be?


La Yen said...

Classy, using the baby as a decoy and all.
I think your name should be Vicki Libretti. And you should write it with two hearts over the eyes. That way you can pretend you are a moll. And Jack's name shoudl be Dr. Phil and Piper's name should be Dora the Explora and your husband can change his name to Smoky.

Kate Benson said...

Oh man you had some wierd ones, hopefully you can check those ones off your list to never happen again. What's up with lame shoplifters anyway? Let's chop their hands off ;-)

Lyle said...

Chatty Cathy? jk. couldn't resist. (Mobsters and Mormons)

What's more exoctic than West Texas? Once ya git the y'all down, you'll be local.

If I could pick a "witness protection" name it would have to be, João Johnson. I could claim that one of my parents was Brazilian.

compulsive writer said...

I sure could have used your cool, calm collectedness in my life this week:

Wed: My husband calls me from work. "Come home right now I need your car." That's it. I rush home wondering what that's all about and learn that his mother was up in the middle of the Uintas with his father getting wood (meaning--chopping trees down) and a tree fell on his mother and they were life-flighting her. End of story (well, more like the prognosis really), after spending most of the night in the ER we learn that miraculously aside from the usual complications of a skull fracture, concussion and having to have three people work over her to pull tree debris out of the back of her head so they can reattach her scalp to her head with 32 staples, she will be OK.

That's enough drama for me this week, right?

Thursday: after putting in 11 1/2 hours at work I come home to learn that while I was away and my 11-year-old daughter was home alone half a dozen undercover cops storm my yard and house. The lead guy knocks on the door and she opens it and see some guy with a gun pushing a badge in her face asking for her dad. Just as the neighbors across the street come over to "handle" the situation--because they are good at looking after things when we're out--a car drives up and yells at all of them "Hey! You got the wrong house!" Then they all jump in their cars and drive away.

Note to Provo PD. When you somehow mistake 16XX for 14XX would you at least contact the parents of the poor child you traumatized and hmmm, I don't know, offer some sort of explanation or apology? Maybe make sure the kid is not totally freaked out from you waving a gun at her???

TGIF the 13th!!! It was a slow day today, believe me.

Lyle said...

Where were you yesterday when my two oldest boys fought over a razor blade that they dug out of my tool box.

The youngest of the two lucked out with only three fingers requiring bandages...no stiches though...whew...my wife had the van and I was stranded when it happened

Geo said...

I'm calling you next time I have a crisis. (How about this evening, is that convenient for you?)

Annie-Buddy S. Guess. That would be my witness protection name.

c.w., you have had a week from utter hell! Astonishing!!

Azúcar said...

I took down the license plate of a car that clipped a truck the other night. Don't know exactly what I'm going to do with the info since the truck was long gone by the time I got back.

I do the stay calm thing too, it's the adrenaline rush.

I shall call you Moxie Crimefighter, not to be confused with the daughter of the musician.

more caffeine, please said...

I will think of you fondly the next time I find a great deal at Kohl's.

BTW, my mom and I once witnessed two of our married neighbors having an affair with each other. 3:00 on the dot every day, us with our binoculars (what!?) and them pretending they were just taking care of their horses in the pasture behind our house.

Okay, I just realized that sounded kind of perverted, we always put the binoculars away when they started kissing. And they really did pretend (for 7 months) that they were just grooming horses together. If that's what you want to call it...